see that i won! woohoo!
i'm not a pro. just knew the basic moves.

rants

as much as i can i don't post a rants here i just feel i don't have the right doing it.

but here i am, my sister came home asking some help on her economic subject.

after taking a bath. my mother ask me to cook for her. there's food already but she wanted me to cook something else.

i don't know i just felt bad. partly because i'm going to cook again after i took a bath.

reacting. told her

"bakit hindi kanina nakaligo na ko?"

mother raised her voice.

"sige wag na, kumain ka na may ulam pa naman dun" talking to my sister

couldn't help myself.

"ano yun talagang hinintay pa ko."
"ang dali-daling magprito."

why reacting that way.

for several reasons: there's food ready before i leave the house.
whenever i went out i still have to cook when i came back home.
there's even one time sister is home i went out no cook food since there's hotdogs available in the fridge, easy to cook though. starving i fried 5 pcs and ate them all. atleast i could more they probably had.

that's what i do. consoling myself to atleast blah blah blah and ignore negative.

but this time i couldn't help it.

mother were angry, my sister were crying.

i couldn't stand it, i cook what she like while tears rolling.

my understanding of things fell short comparing what i have and don't have.

my mother to my sister and me.

though i have to admit i'm lucky she just let me here at home unemployed got time to enjoy playing online war game.

i don't earn so things are like this and it's my fault. i know.

but in time and situation like this. i just felt like they all have the reason to get mad and feel bad and never taking to account how they are to me.

i felt bad that i made them feel bad and more bad because it shouldn't be like that.

i'm thinking when you already give and didn't ask for return and don't expect them do the same thing for you.

its fine for her to feel bad because she's already stressed out from school and i shouldn't reacted that way.

they had the right to be mad because that is what i should do. i don't have the right to complain because i'm just around so i have to be there for them.

my point:

i don't mind doing things for them but asking more than i already did just felt too much.

prodigal daughter

yup, i am, a wasteful.

i almost left and about to delete this account when i realized i couldn't. i have to open this once in awhile to check on my favorite blog.

ok so there's no built-in smiley to put on my entries but blogger is most visited among other journal online because of it's user.

i find best writer- professional and not on this account so i decided to delete other accounts i tried- i thought best. and this is best!

welcoming my self again!

but expect a big change.

journal online!

heyahhh!

i am a blogger and i'll be celebrating my 1st year having a journal online on sept. i don't know but there's a part of me wanting to continue my blogger account for sentimental reason but it became boring as i found that a lot of built-in features multiply got. so now, i'm having one.

contemplating if i'll maintain 2 journal account though this site has a cross-post to my other account but it doesn't make sense to me having both with the same entries.

since i don't have any intention to promote my site and let everyone read my entries though there's nothing exciting about myself. i'm not comfortable of letting everyone knows my thoughts, my deals, my hang-ups and my rants.

but i want to write.
one thing about keeping a journal is that it reminds you of what you are in the past.
and through this i'll see how i evolve as a person.
(ahhh getting serious now huh!)

every time i got a chance to watch romantic movies, see a couple's kiss & make-up or just listen to love songs. i can't help myself to smile and feel good proof that love still works maybe not to me yet. but i hope soon very soon. ooops sounding desperate already i have to stop now.
with or without a special someone i have to be inlove atleast feel the love, the only way to be happy. pathetic this time huh!
anyway happy hearts day!!!

wish list for 2008

1. have more faith to God.
2. be confident.
3. land a job.
4. have more acquaintances and hopefully be great friends.
5. no flabs- tummy & arms
6. skinny jeans
5. buy a pair of shoes- primadonna/ candy shoe
6. collection of paulo coelho books
7. dvd's- grey's, lost, kyle xy, charmed etc. etc

hay....hay......... and another hay......