see that i won! woohoo!
i'm not a pro. just knew the basic moves.

rants

as much as i can i don't post a rants here i just feel i don't have the right doing it.

but here i am, my sister came home asking some help on her economic subject.

after taking a bath. my mother ask me to cook for her. there's food already but she wanted me to cook something else.

i don't know i just felt bad. partly because i'm going to cook again after i took a bath.

reacting. told her

"bakit hindi kanina nakaligo na ko?"

mother raised her voice.

"sige wag na, kumain ka na may ulam pa naman dun" talking to my sister

couldn't help myself.

"ano yun talagang hinintay pa ko."
"ang dali-daling magprito."

why reacting that way.

for several reasons: there's food ready before i leave the house.
whenever i went out i still have to cook when i came back home.
there's even one time sister is home i went out no cook food since there's hotdogs available in the fridge, easy to cook though. starving i fried 5 pcs and ate them all. atleast i could more they probably had.

that's what i do. consoling myself to atleast blah blah blah and ignore negative.

but this time i couldn't help it.

mother were angry, my sister were crying.

i couldn't stand it, i cook what she like while tears rolling.

my understanding of things fell short comparing what i have and don't have.

my mother to my sister and me.

though i have to admit i'm lucky she just let me here at home unemployed got time to enjoy playing online war game.

i don't earn so things are like this and it's my fault. i know.

but in time and situation like this. i just felt like they all have the reason to get mad and feel bad and never taking to account how they are to me.

i felt bad that i made them feel bad and more bad because it shouldn't be like that.

i'm thinking when you already give and didn't ask for return and don't expect them do the same thing for you.

its fine for her to feel bad because she's already stressed out from school and i shouldn't reacted that way.

they had the right to be mad because that is what i should do. i don't have the right to complain because i'm just around so i have to be there for them.

my point:

i don't mind doing things for them but asking more than i already did just felt too much.

prodigal daughter

yup, i am, a wasteful.

i almost left and about to delete this account when i realized i couldn't. i have to open this once in awhile to check on my favorite blog.

ok so there's no built-in smiley to put on my entries but blogger is most visited among other journal online because of it's user.

i find best writer- professional and not on this account so i decided to delete other accounts i tried- i thought best. and this is best!

welcoming my self again!

but expect a big change.

journal online!

heyahhh!

i am a blogger and i'll be celebrating my 1st year having a journal online on sept. i don't know but there's a part of me wanting to continue my blogger account for sentimental reason but it became boring as i found that a lot of built-in features multiply got. so now, i'm having one.

contemplating if i'll maintain 2 journal account though this site has a cross-post to my other account but it doesn't make sense to me having both with the same entries.

since i don't have any intention to promote my site and let everyone read my entries though there's nothing exciting about myself. i'm not comfortable of letting everyone knows my thoughts, my deals, my hang-ups and my rants.

but i want to write.
one thing about keeping a journal is that it reminds you of what you are in the past.
and through this i'll see how i evolve as a person.
(ahhh getting serious now huh!)

every time i got a chance to watch romantic movies, see a couple's kiss & make-up or just listen to love songs. i can't help myself to smile and feel good proof that love still works maybe not to me yet. but i hope soon very soon. ooops sounding desperate already i have to stop now.
with or without a special someone i have to be inlove atleast feel the love, the only way to be happy. pathetic this time huh!
anyway happy hearts day!!!

wish list for 2008

1. have more faith to God.
2. be confident.
3. land a job.
4. have more acquaintances and hopefully be great friends.
5. no flabs- tummy & arms
6. skinny jeans
5. buy a pair of shoes- primadonna/ candy shoe
6. collection of paulo coelho books
7. dvd's- grey's, lost, kyle xy, charmed etc. etc

hay....hay......... and another hay......

i want to be spontaneous and tried it. it's hard in fairness. fun maybe during the time that it happens but sometimes regret it because it is something that isn't me and put me in certain situation i don't like. musta naman yon diba?

i like to do a lot of things and be good at those. the problem is i got low self esteem. i know i could do somethings i just hesitate when thoughts like someone is much better than i do or being a first timer i could look stupidly awful.

somehow, i can write my thoughts and everything not so conscious about the grammar. i just hope if someone could read this they understand me fully. but i couldn't converse well. or if i loose myself in a talking i'd probably regret it afterwards.

so spontaneity is hard to achieve for me.

it makes me think . (i) need to be smart. what can a person do for him to be regarded as a smart?
according to encarta dictionary:

smart [ smaart ]

adjective (comparative smart·er, superlative smart·est)

Definition:

1. clever: showing intelligence and mental alertness smart students

2. keen: shrewd and calculating in business and other dealings a smart dealer

3. witty and amusing: amusingly clever and possessing a quick wit

4. insolent: disrespectful or impertinent Whatever you say to him, he has some smart answer.

5. fashionable: fashionable and stylish smart dress

wow the word has different meaning according to how you would use it. it could be positive or otherwise. anyway can someone be clever, keen, witty and amusing and fashionable at the same time. forget the insolent no one would like to be one. anyway, having all those positive meaning of it must be tough. ah i know one pala. oprah winfrey. diba?
what it takes to be like oprah? naku nangarap...

i was looking for a smart thinking pics and three monkeys came up. one couldn't hear or don't want to hear, the other couldn't see or wouldn't want to see and last couldn't talk or don't want to (talk).
it made me think. i could see, hear and talk. still i felt less. i'm not smart. right! i'm not smart enough to use my ear, eyes and my mouth to my advantage.
whoah! deep thinking again.
serious baga!

whew! just whew!

someone stole one of the cp i'm using for loading and it's my fault. don't know how to tell my sis about it at first until i have to which i already did and fortunately i got no violent reaction from her.

i never plan of posting it here. but there's something good happened behind all of these.
i intend to attend mass last week (being the first sun of the month and i have not attended the sunday masses for the whole month of january) whether there's nothing bad happened. but with what happened looks like i got myself in the church to ask help for i know he could make things much easier for me.
but the homily,. it just hit me. big time! it is as if the priest know what's going on.

"ung malas na tao ang masuwerte" he says.

how? because during the time of chaos admit it or not we remember Lord God to help us and guide us.
we suddenly renewed our faith in him. so unlucky person gets lucky.

i've heard from somewhere though not confirm yet. person born in the year of sheep is unlucky in the year of the rat.

well, true or not the moment i've heard it i know i've got the best charm to avoid it. prayers and faith.

yeah luckless had it in the past week and each time i ask Him what to do and guide me so i won't do something more disastrous and bad. He answered me and fate put me to a situation where i have to do what is to be done and not engaging myself to do bad.

i thank you LORD for everything.

And i'm sorry for the times i loss my faith for thinking bad just to get out in the situation i'm in thinking that it's better.

unrequited love...

according to wiki... it is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of this person's deep feelings for them.

was it when you thought there were possibilities of getting involve with someone who happens to have someone else?

funny! how that kind of possibilities already equates to love? or you just thought that it is a good possibility because you had set it in your mind before you knew it shouldn't be.

or you just think it is possibility when it s not because it's hard to admit you already did fall(in love) unknowingly.

whatever it is...

the sad thing is really it gets in to you when all you want is to get it out of your system.

because you don't have the right to be sad.

don't even have the right to think about it.

you just ignore and deny .

then finally accept.

convincing yourself that it's better to know these things early before you fall deeply.

assuring yourself that it is fine and you'll be fine.

that it is easy.

this is part of living.

just have to go through it.

after a while,

long or maybe short while you'll be fine with it and just laugh about it. as in lol.

how and why it happened? your questions to yourself.

but whatever happens the process of getting better is hard to think.

when it will end?

hoping it soon. you just pray...

my last post was about my rants regarding direct selling. how about some good news this time. so
returning an item needed what they call TRA (whatever that means i have no idea). i don't bring TRA's instead i just indicate the reference number in the return slip or in a paper which i guess the reason why they ask those. but in my stupidity or laziness for not double checking the items i brought for replacement that it always happen that i put wrong ref. no. good thing the person in charge in returns is conscientious enough in doing his job as in i don't have any problem in returning an item until yesterday someone else occupy his job and again i put different ref. no. in short i'm not so lucky returning a certain item. good thing it's a baby's clothing so its not that frustrating since its not bulky & there's still next time.
so i'm finished with everything and just waiting for my turn in releasing my purchases. i've got hope of returning the item but it's 6 o'clock cut-off time. hay....
untill someone calls me and i thought he was just teasing me since he always do that and he will add "practice lang." so i didn't pay attention until he says he's going to let me return.Yeheyyy... ang saya.
so still waiting i start scribbling and decided i have to post this in here that my blog wouldn't be just bitterly rants but also appreciate good things and service. great service should be commended. so around of applause to "Joel Lingad" oha! its full name good thing every tra's, return slips & receipts identifies who made the transaction.hahahaha.
i guess he deserves something for taking time looking that tra like my fave chocnut. hmmm... i owe him that.
speaking of owe. it's not only him that deserves chocnut even in the purchasing "miss Mona" always in full smile every time i saw her even i get too makulit sometimes, as well as, in the releasing. they've been so nice and they've been a victim of my being judgmental. Can't help it because i'm so pissed waiting loooonnnggg hours so i told my sis about everything i thought bad experience i have in there. like they always makes me wait and let someone else they know have their orders or release their purchases before forwarding my purchases or releasing the items. yep i'm terribly bad. di pala sila ang salarin. it's a normal thing when you got plenty of orders and picking those takes time especially during peak season. well, i didn't know that! only now. "censya! tao lang." besides its really hard to wait that long doing nothing and having only one order to take home from the list of 5 or 5 out of so many orders i have. diba frustrating naman talaga. that's why i'm hoping they stop teasing me "sumbongera kay ate".
wait before i forget i have mention the great service in returns and purchasing but i haven't mention "Jerry lolo" from releasing. stop the tease na! may chocnut kayo pag naalala ko at tinigilan sa pang aasar kasi feeling pinagtutulungan na nila ako. here i go again. hehehehe... till next time...

nov - 2 posts
dec- none!
jan- 1st post
i've been busy and still busy. my sister handed me over her small business - loading station and direct selling (as in everything) 'cause she's busy w/ her new job. it is soooo tiring. can't believe myself how she manage everything i'm experiencing right now. well to start off i'm just paying for her due. i'm supposedly the 2nd in the line when the cashier 1 took a break so i tried myself to be calm as much as possible. fine i went to the 2nd cashier and lucky me i'm gonna be the 2nd to be entertained so i waited but there's a lot of transactions the cashier handling though only one person before me 'cause she's also paying for her downlinessss (i intentionally put a lot of s for it is so much to the point that cashier 1 is already back and they said there's still a lot as in a lot) so they advice me to pay at cashier 1 so i did. when again i'm the 2nd in that line she put a sign "the next counter pls" hay i couldn't help myself i already reacted goodness . just seeing the queue of paying clients in the window i'm supposed to at if they did not ask me to go. wow this people must be kidding me. i went out and called my sis. yeah i spend to call her cause i couldn't take it anymore. still pissed but i have to go back and be the last person in line. how about that? they could be nice sometimes and i like them for those times and i do understand the fact that their work is so demanding that shortcomings are inevitable but wow i think what happened is too much!!! what you think?! and there's a lot more not so good times story i have for them but i'm tired and sleepy so next time if i got a chance and if bad gone to worse.