rants

as much as i can i don't post a rants here i just feel i don't have the right doing it.

but here i am, my sister came home asking some help on her economic subject.

after taking a bath. my mother ask me to cook for her. there's food already but she wanted me to cook something else.

i don't know i just felt bad. partly because i'm going to cook again after i took a bath.

reacting. told her

"bakit hindi kanina nakaligo na ko?"

mother raised her voice.

"sige wag na, kumain ka na may ulam pa naman dun" talking to my sister

couldn't help myself.

"ano yun talagang hinintay pa ko."
"ang dali-daling magprito."

why reacting that way.

for several reasons: there's food ready before i leave the house.
whenever i went out i still have to cook when i came back home.
there's even one time sister is home i went out no cook food since there's hotdogs available in the fridge, easy to cook though. starving i fried 5 pcs and ate them all. atleast i could more they probably had.

that's what i do. consoling myself to atleast blah blah blah and ignore negative.

but this time i couldn't help it.

mother were angry, my sister were crying.

i couldn't stand it, i cook what she like while tears rolling.

my understanding of things fell short comparing what i have and don't have.

my mother to my sister and me.

though i have to admit i'm lucky she just let me here at home unemployed got time to enjoy playing online war game.

i don't earn so things are like this and it's my fault. i know.

but in time and situation like this. i just felt like they all have the reason to get mad and feel bad and never taking to account how they are to me.

i felt bad that i made them feel bad and more bad because it shouldn't be like that.

i'm thinking when you already give and didn't ask for return and don't expect them do the same thing for you.

its fine for her to feel bad because she's already stressed out from school and i shouldn't reacted that way.

they had the right to be mad because that is what i should do. i don't have the right to complain because i'm just around so i have to be there for them.

my point:

i don't mind doing things for them but asking more than i already did just felt too much.